In the beginning, the creator made Earth. But, being quite a fidgety man, he quickly became bored so he created a beautiful woman whom he called Nature.
‘Go now, Nature, and inhabit the Earth with your beauty,’ he told her.
A wonderful artist, she made beautiful plants, animals, oceans and, best of all, humans, who he found extremely amusing. However, the creator soon became bored of Nature too and decided to create a venomous spider that he called Death.
‘Go now, Death, and kill these boring things, so new ones can grow.’
And off went the spider, killing everything in its path. However, tiring of Nature and Death’s repetitive style, the creator decided to create some grains of sand which he called Time.
‘Go now, Time, and make some kind of narrative for this spectacle.’
So off went Time, creating beginnings, middles and ends for all things. However, little did the creator know that making linear Time would give birth to a giant serpent named History. Now, History, being his own master, did not want to follow the creator and decided to lock him up and convince Death that the creator was weak and had rubbish ideas of fun.
‘I have a better idea,’ he said to Death one day. ‘Let’s toy with Nature and Time a bit.’
‘OK,’ said Death, who had been bored as anything for millennia.
Together they chased Time, but found it virtually impossible to catch him – him being made of sand. History was very cunning, however, and produced a glass container that went in at the middle, which he polished and polished until it became invisible.
‘Death, you chase him down that narrow alley and I will trap him in this container at the other end,’ he said.
‘OK,’ said Death, who hadn’t had this much excitement since the beginning of Time. So, the spider chased after the sand, laughing like a maniac, until they reached the alley where History was waiting to pounce.
‘Got you, you little bastard!’
Time jumped around in the glass container, screaming and shouting in his little voice, but he soon grew weary and fell asleep, snoring softly, never to awake again.
‘Now for my final trick, ladies and gents!’ History cried. He turned the container upside down and the sand trickled slowly through the narrow passage to the other side. And when the grains of sand reached the bottom, he turned it over again. Death’s smile faded as the gravity of what they had done slowly dawned on him.
‘You…you’ve made linear Time cyclical!’ He said.
‘Exactly! I, History, shall repeat forever and ever, no matter how many times Nature defeats me, ha ha ha!’
Then something unexpected happened: the serpent’s tail began to twitch, just a little at first but then more and more violently, until he found himself fighting desperately with it. Death looked on in horror as the tail finally prevailed, proceeding to force itself down its owner’s throat: History was doomed to spend the rest of eternity eating his own tail.
Death sighed and scuttled off to bed, destined to be bored for the rest of eternity, his only companions an Ouroboros and an hourglass.